The Sister Wound
Nova Francisca Storm
Spiritual Therapist & Women’s circle facilitator
Trauma & Shadow healer
(Former researcher in feminism)
Gemini Sun, Scorpio Moon & Aquarius Rising
Copenhagen
IG: @supernovastorm
This day was the birth of comparison.
I was 11 years old when the boys in my class each made a top 3 list of which girls they’d most like to kiss. The boys handed their top 3 lists to us girls and then we gathered in a circle and read them out loud…
We all sat impatiently and quietly receiving their judgment of us. Michaels top 3 is… Peters top 3 is… John’s top 3 is… I felt a knot in my stomach. I was number two. I was number three. On some of the papers, my name wasn’t even there. The knot in my stomach grew bigger and bigger. I looked around at the other girls. Who is above me? Why is she above me? Why do the boys rather want to kiss her? What makes her special? What does she have that I don’t? This day was the birth of comparison.
This comparison followed me into my adult life and manifested as an unconscious belief convincing me that I am always in competition with other women. Every woman, everywhere. A woman is not my sister, she is my competition.
And this is one of the great pillars of the Sister Wound.
What is the Sister Wound?
The Sister Wound shows up in a woman’s relationship with other women blocking her from connection, from Sisterhood. It’s rooted in the (often unconscious) belief that women are each other's competition.
The Sister Wound is sustained because of lack mentality i.e. the belief that there isn’t enough. It’s believing that if another woman is successful then I can’t be.
“If she has it, then I can’t get it.
If she writes a book, then I can’t.
If she creates a podcast, then I can’t too”
Behaviors such as judging, shaming and talking bad about other women, being jealous and not rooting for other women. The Sister Wound not only causes harm to our female relationships, we are also hurting ourselves.
The Sister Wound shows up differently for different people and can take many different forms, and here are just a few examples:
It’s the desire to be more like her not believing that who you are is good enough.
It’s the constant comparison with other women that’s hurting our own self worth.
It’s the urge to place other women below or above us.
It’s the mistrust in our sisters, the fear that your girlfriends are talking behind your back, that they don’t really wish to see you successful, and so on.
It’s the insecurity that creeps up on you, when you are around other women.
It’s the voice within saying: “you’re not cool enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough” when you walk by a group of women or enter a room full of women or when you scroll through other women’s Instagram.
If you recognize yourself in this, please have compassion for yourself. We are not to blame for our Sister Wound. We’ve been taught to think like this.
Think back, when was the birth of your comparison? When was the first time you started comparing yourself? At some point in time, a younger version of you got the idea that who she is isn’t good enough.
But this is and always has been a lie. And maybe you’ve believed this lie, but we ain’t got time for lies no more.
“The truth is, you are exactly right. You are who you’re supposed to be. We were never meant to be the same. We were never meant to compete.”
How to Heal the Sister Wound?
Turn judgment and jealousy into desire. When we judge, it’s only because we’ve unconsciously created an impossibility. We’ve convinced ourselves that what she has, I can’t have.
This is not true!
Maybe she did a podcast before you, but so what? No one will communicate like you. Did she get a bookdeal? Well, there are people who are waiting to hear your story and they need your book. Does she sell crystals? Jewelry? Houses? Whatever she does, she’s doing it perfectly in her own way and you’ll do it just as perfectly in your own way, but you’re not supposed to do it in the same way - and that’s exactly the point!
“We are all singing the same song, but every voice is unique. And the World needs your voice too.”
You came to Earth with specific and unique gifts. And within you, you hold the medicine that’s been missing. We need you to be you. Heal the Sister Wound by sharing your uniqueness and encourage other women to do the same.
Wave your freak flag and tell other women to do the same!
If you feel called to heal your Sister Wound, come join my Women’s circles in Copenhagen.
My goal is to awaken the ancient feminine practice of the Women’s circle and build a Sisterhood, a healing community, a space to gather with others, a place to belong.
Read the blog post Nova wrote nearly a year ago about (her) Spiritual Awakening HERE.
